About EFT

Introduction

Emotionally focussed therapy is an empirically supported, empathic and effective means of creating and sustaining change within a relationship. Developed in the 1980's by Drs Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg, EFT is a short-term and structured approach to couples' therapy.

Schema Therapy and EFT are both informed by attachment theory, privileging emotions in the creation of the therapeutic alliance and utilizing this alliance to facilitate an experiential process that promotes healing.

Attachment theory considers human beings to be innately relational, social, and wired for intimate bonding with others. Johnson’s EFT model goes beyond this by giving precedence to feelings and emotional regulation as the key coordinators of individual experience and key relationship interactions.

“From the cradle to grave human beings are hardwired to seek not just social contact but physical and emotional proximity to special others who are deemed irreplaceable. Closeness with this partner is a tranquiliser to the nervous system. Emotional and physical isolation from attachment figures is inherently traumatising for human beings, bringing with it a heightened sense of vulnerability, danger and helplessness.”

— Dr. Sue Johnson

EFT is both experiential and systematic. The model focuses on one’s current experience either internally or within the relationship, and also looks at the whole relationship, and the patterns in the relationship.

The Core Principals of EFT

Emotional connection with an attachment figure calms the nervous system and shapes a physical and mental sense of a safe haven where comfort and reassurance can be reliably obtained and emotional balance can be restored.
This effective dependency is a source of strength and resilience.
Key factors for quality and security
a. Perceived accessibility
b. Responsiveness
c. Emotional engagement
Emotional and physical isolation from attachment figures is inherently traumatising for human beings, bringing with it a heightened sense of vulnerability, danger and helplessness

The EFT model focuses on the following three aspects of a relationship:

Accessibility - Are you there when I need you?
Responsiveness - Will you respond when I talk to you?
Engagement - Are you engaged in our relationships?

Dancing the EFT tango

The second figure can represent:

A therapist
A part of the self
An imaginary “other” in individual therapy
Your partner in couples’ therapy
Different family members in family therapy

The EFT therapist will help you

During EFT couples therapy, in collaboration with your therapist; you may be able to turn towards, instead of away from each other.

In EFT it is believed that change happens in the session; what happens during the short time with the therapist is as important as all the independent time between sessions. Firstly, you will be asked to reflect upon what is happening internally and between you and your partner. Not only will an EFT therapist look at the facts, they will zoom in on the emotional inner reality for each member of the couple. How does the present situation make you feel? Then the deeper triggers that cause this feeling will be explored with the guidance of the therapist.

After these core emotional triggers have been identified, the therapist will help you communicate them to your partner. Similarly, the therapist will help the other party process and respond to this enactment. What do they feel in response to what you have just expressed? These conversations are called transforming or ‘Hold me Tight’ conversations and lie at the heart of the model. Finally, a process of integration, validation, and reflection will take place in order to cement the new cycle that has been created. If this cycle is repeated often enough, it will become a habit and the negative pattern that was initially present will be broken and a new healthier one will stand in its place.

EFT for Families

The EFT model can also be used to heal disruption in the family. Sue Johnson emphasises the importance of a strong emotional bond between parents and its effects on the rest of the family.

“The idea that one of the best things you can do for your child is to create a loving relationship with your partner is not sentimental, it’s a scientific fact… When we love each other well, we help each other parent well.”